September 10, 2021 - Being Fickle

From my last post, I shared that I was stepping away for work for a bit. I’m not sure what the future holds, but I know it will reveal itself to me in time.

It has been a little over a week, and the adjustment has not been as easy as you would imagine. It’s almost like you experience some of the 5 stages of grief. For a refresher, they are Denial, Depression, Anger, Bargaining, and Acceptance.

I have experienced a tad bit of denial, depression, and am on my way to acceptance. At least for now…

I am using this time to focus on me. I am trying to build a routine of walking in the AM. I have found that I still feel the fatigue, but that bit of exercise actually lulls me into a deeper slumber during my afternoon nap. I get tired easily when walking, but I am building up my stamina.

My neighborhood offers a yoga class each week outside near the beach. I haven’t attended yet, but think it would be a great period of meditation, stretching, and taking in salty fresh air. It is on my list. I know my Yogi friends would encourage me!

In the mundane world, I’m trying to wrap my arms around the right platform for my story and future posts to live. As you know, I began writing my journey on Caring Bridge, then briefly dated Wix, began dating Wordpress, and am now considering marrying Substack. Yes, I am fickle.

Let me explain. I need something easy peasy. I am NOT a web developer. I need a platform where I can easily post and know that it reaches my readers. I can’t worry about the design.

CaringBridge seems so morose intended for moments of pending tragedy. Wix was, well I’m not exactly sure, but I didn’t love it. It seemed too restrictive. So, I transitioned to Wordpress. Wordpress is not restrictive at all, but you do need a PHD in web design, mail chimp, plug-ins, etc. It was too much for me. I don’t have the energy.

Side note: Jamie has been a saint, as I have hired/paid 2 different consults to design both the WIX site and the Wordpress site. I hate that it is throwaway work. He wants me happy. I am lucky.

BUT, then I saw a few of my favorite public figures posting on other platforms. For example, Facebook launched Facebook Newsletter. One of my favorite chefs, Dorie Greenspan, adopted it. I thought it would be perfect. Except, I’m not a famous public figure/writer and it is INVITATION only. So Boo to that.

Then I saw that Padma Lakshmi began writing on Substack - a platform that was very new to me. As I perused her site, I thought, why not? It was an easy push of the button to move all of my posts from Wordpress to Substack (no PHD or consultants needed). Granted, I still have work to do on the older posts as not all of the photos came over, but I can get to that in my own time.

SIDE NOTE: If you haven’t noticed, I do have a passion for the Gourmand! I love to cook, collect cookbooks, and follow a lot of chefs (thus the references to Dorie and Padma). I’m also beginning to post family recipes, which can be found on my site.

Sadly, I haven’t found an easy way to move your comments over. Please know they mean the world to me. I’m working on it.

The important thing is that it is EASY. AND it is. I can publish with ease.

The Future

I will continue to post updates on my fight against Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer. I will continue to write about my scan results (next one is early October) and my ongoing and future treatments.

I also plan to write about my life as it unfolds, giving Mason a history to look back on as he matures. I’m writing because I know one day he may only have my words to bring him comfort. I may have been fickle with my platform choices, but I am not fickle when it comes to my love for my son.

Thank you all for reading, but most of all for caring.

XOXO,

Renee

An oldie but goodie! Mason and Mommy from June 2015!