October 14, 2020 - The Facts of Life

You take the good, you take the bad,

You take them both and there you have

The facts of life, the facts of life.

The "Facts of Life". This was one of my favorite sitcoms before sitcoms meant anything. Well before ANY Thursday Must TV was a thing. TV was an event. When I was little, I longed to be Blair Warner, but alas, I was really Jo Polniaczek.

I was pretty, but I was fierce. One of my favorite memories of being strong was playing softball. Right before one of my "at bats", my coach came to me and said, "Relax, look left (as in left field), and take the next pitch down down the third base line. I need you to hit it hard. " Well. I did. I hit a triple. Runs were scored. I was on top of the world.

You take the good.

Brain MRI. Good! No evidence of new disease or new disease progression. Winning!

You take the bad.

PET SCAN. Uh! Oh! Awe, it looks good, except.......except what.....No, it is not good. It shows a very prominent spot on my liver. Yay! (Just kidding). I'm really crying. I'm crying with such joy that my brain has remained stable. I am crying with such sadness that my liver wants to join this cancer party. Yes, the PET scan revealed a spot/lesion/tumor on my liver. (I truly am still trying to understand the difference between a spot/lesion/tumor). What I do know- I know my diagnosis equals terminal, which means no cure. I will have an abdominal MRI shortly, which will shape my story.

This really means how long can I prolong the life that I have been given?

My only answer, my only thought, my only....my only...my only is Mason.

Deep breath.

1 Year. 3 Years. 5 Years......

He is 10. I am his Mother. I am his Mommy. I need....I need to see him be 12 years old. I need to see him be 14 years old, because he will need me. I need to see him grow to a wonderful 16 year old man. I need to hug him at graduation at 18. I am his Mommy. I am his Mom. I need him to know that he is loved. Mason is the best part of me. He is the best culmination of love that Jamie and I have for each other. Mason is the best thing that I have added to this world. I love that dear boy, my son. I am his Mommy.